Who does this sound like and how can this be applied to Newsvine and gang collapsing of member's contributions?
"People who can’t control themselves control the people around them. When you rely on someone for a positive reflected sense of self, you invariably try to control him or her."
"Do your feelings, anxieties, and insecurities run away with you and dominate your relationships? Are you chronically late or procrastinating, and expecting other people to put up with it?Do you always have to be right in an argument?Do you get triggered and lash out verbally or physically in ways you later regret?Do you need your partner to apologize and say he or she is sorry after a fight in order to get over it?
These are all signs of difficulty regulating and modulating your inner emotional world. None of us are perfect. Everyone flies off the handle sometimes, or gets lost in their own thoughts and feelings but many people have difficulty "keeping themselves together." And however understandable or explainable these reactions are, there's an unavoidable consequence for other people in their lives.
During the course of conducting workshops or doing therapy I often talk about learning to regulate your own emotions, calm your own anxieties, soothe your own mind, and lick your own emotional bruises. When I describe these abilities as emotional autonomy, sometimes I see people who don't like where they think this is heading. They hear this as me saying:
- they can never need or ask for help.
- it's weak to do so.
- they have to be perfect.
- they have to put up with whatever someone does to them, just "suck it up."
- The goal of life is to never need anyone.
- It's not OK to want your partner to soothe you."